So…who’s Ian?
Ian was my desert blazin loving partner since 2021. We connected over our love for slickrock canyons and dreamt of making a home together in the red rock canyons of Utah.
In spring of 2023, Ian got the idea to train for a 100 mile ultra race to help manage his epilepsy. He was on the highest dose possible of seizure medication, and his doctor recommended taking anti-depressants to ward off the negative side effects of the epilepsy medication.
Instead, Ian chose to maintain a running and biking routine to manage the medication’s side effects of anxiety, mood swings, depression, irritability, decreased hunger, and the list goes on. Running and biking helped boost Ian’s mood, feel hungry, stay organized, and overall live an meaningful and fun lifestyle outside.
After years of dreaming and scheming, Ian and I moved to Page, Arizona. The heart of canyon country. We were about to start new jobs at the local elementary school when Ian caught wind of the ultra races that happen in Page.
Ian signed up to run The Antelope Canyon 100 Mile Ultra Race. In lieu of paying a race fee, he picked a charity bib through The Wander Project, a nonprofit organization “empowering individuals to make an impact in the communities they run and play in.”
We hadn’t even started our jobs yet when Ian set a goal to raise $2,000 for Glen Canyon Outdoor Academy (GCOA), the local elementary school in Page.
He raised about $500 before he suddenly passed away in June 2023, while he was out for a long run in Southwest Colorado’s mountains. His death was a huge community loss, one that is still deeply mourned and honored by many.
Introducing: Travis
When someone as magical, strong, and unique as Ian dies suddenly at age 28, the heavy grief that follows takes a whole village to hold.
In March 2024, Travis took over Ian’s charity bib and ran the 100 miles in Ian’s place. You can read about last year’s race here. The course area ended up being a tad over and Travis actually ran 102 miles for Ian!
Ian’s nationwide community rallied and raised over $6,000 for GCOA!
I still work at GCOA, but not as a full time teacher.
The grief of losing Ian altered my path.
Instead of working as a fourth grade teacher with Ian as a Kindergarten teacher, I founded an outdoor program for K-8th graders called Wild Fridays, a day of hiking and adventuring outside.
Part of the $6,000 raised went to the middle schoolers going on a San Juan River trip and part of the funds went to providing Wild Fridays at no cost to students!
Part of why Ian and I wanted to work at GCOA was to develop and outdoor program for the school. To do it without him is bittersweet. While I wish he could be here to see the kindergartners learn how to zig zag their way up and down a slickrock mesa with no trail, his influence and love in our lives is palpable.
Ian, Travis, and his other college buddies floated the San Juan River together for several Thanksgivings in a row. Ian knew the magic of that muddy river, and when he heard about the river trip for students, he was so excited.
Though he did not personally get to show the kids the wonders of Comb Ridge and the rapids of the San Juan, Ian’s love for the river outlived him.
When the kids met on the sandy banks of the San Juan, it was the first time any of them had ever seen the river. For most, it was the first time they ever slept under the stars.
The Wander Project featured Travis and Ian in their annual report which can be read here. Below a screenshot of their report.
The Tradition Carries On For Another Year
Grief doesn’t magically go away after a certain amount of time, and the more hands there are to carry the weight of loss, the lighter load.
This year, Ian’s buddy Ethan carried on the tradition of running and raising money for GCOA.
Once again, Ian’s generous nationwide community stepped up to donate $2,165 for GCOA kids in Page, Arizona.
*Look at this picture while I pause and burst into tears for a minute*
There is really nothing that can take away the pain of losing a partner, a brother, best friend, son, etc. But coming together year after year to train, to run, to cook food, to raise money and share stories helps breathe life into that loss.
It is something tangible we can do in Ian’s memory, and carry out some of the goals Ian didn’t have enough time to complete.
Without Ian, we do our best to keep living a vibrant life outside full of challenge and beauty.
We do our best to keep pushing our physical boundaries and filling in blank spots on the map, because we want to live like Ian.
This race is an important part of our communal grief. It’s a path forward, an annual celebration of Ian’s love for running, the red rock desert, and community action.
Ultra Running is a Team Sport
Pals came to support the race from Tucson, San Diego, Grand Junction, Mammoth, and Big Sur. Multiple state lines were crossed with hours in the car to get to Page, Arizona for the race.
This year, the Antelope Canyon Race did not offer the 100 mile race, so Ethan and Steph signed up for the 50 mile run. This was Steph’s second year running 50 miles for Ian!
We gathered at my house to support the runners as pacers and crew.
Crew members woke up at 3:00 a.m. to volunteer with the race to direct traffic and parking. The race offered to donate another $1,000 to GCOA if we could muster up 15 volunteers for the 3 a.m. shift- and we did it! Bringing the total to $3,400.
GCOA kids got involved this year as well. Some kids got to meet Ethan, Travis, and Steph and share stories of the San Juan River.
Two kids volunteered this year at the pre-race expo to raise more money for the river trip. They taped hand written signs on their chests that said: WILL DO A BACKFLIP FOR $1 and WILL DANCE FOR $1. Together they raised almost $200 doing backflips and dance moves that ended in the splits.
It was a blast getting to see the kids meet Ian’s pals and I even heard one kid say, “I could run 50 miles, easy.”
So, it looks like we’ll have more runners in the future. EASY!
Ethan and Steph crossed the starting line at 5:00 a.m. on race day. We tracked their progress through the race app, and spent the day driving to different aid stations along the route to meet the runners in costume with snacks, water, words of affirmation, massages, Ibuprofen, and whatever else they needed.
Pacers were allowed to enter the race at mile 30.
Travis and I geared up to be the first pacers.
Travis said, “I’m good to run to last twenty miles with them,” and I said, “I’m definitely not, but we’ll see how many miles I can pull out of my ass.”
Ethan hobbled into mile 31 with a pre-existing injury and decided to call it, and he still set a new personal record for himself for the most miles he’s ever run!! 31 miles!? Wow.
Steph and Travis continued on to the finish line while Ethan found a cane in my costume box to use for the rest of the day. He kept saying, “I’m practicing being old,” as he hobbled from place to place.
Steph ran for over 15 hours to complete 50 miles! Our entourage followed him across the finish line in costume flair.
Who’s up for next year?
Shoot dang the boys make running 30-50 miles look easy, but it definitely is not.
I may or may not have said that next year could be the year FOR THE LADIES!
And I may or may not have loosely committed to running 50 miles and taking on the charity bib…
The most I’ve ever run is 19 miles, so yeah sure maybe I could run 50 miles?
Ian and I did big adventures together when he was alive. We would casually backpack 60 miles, then grab our bikes that we stored in the bushes to bikepack another 80 miles back to the car.
We lived out of my van and worked a job where we were backpacking for 15 days on and spent our 14 days off doing even more backpacking.
But when he died in the wilderness, my relationship to the backcountry and my physical body changed a lot.
Grief showed up as a sedentary weight for me.
I took to writing and reading and staying nice and safe on my couch while I processed the life changing loss. I am not in the shape I was in when Ian and I were together. I ran cross country and track in high school but that was nearly a decade ago.
So, if I am going to run 50 miles next year, I’ve got a lot of work to do.
But, that doesn’t sound so bad…
Stay tuned to see who steps up next year!
Thank You
Thank you to all who donated money, time, and good thoughts to the race and runners this year. This truly is a community effort and no single person could do it alone.
Continue supporting GCOA
If you want to make a charitable donation to continue offering the Wild Friday program at no cost to families, click here.
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Read about last year’s 100 mile race:
Beth Henshaw 