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Book Update

Writing a full length book without a mentor, degree, or direction is…hard. Duh! Around this time last time right after Ian died, the only thing that kept me going was writing down every detail of the search. Six, seven, eight hours writing. Lately I feel proud of myself if I squeeze in thirty minutes on the book. Lately what’s been keeping me going has been time outside away from my computer. Not writing, just living.

Avoiding?

Maybe I’ve been a tad afraid of rejection. Going into the publishing process blind sucked all the joy out of writing this book. Hours of writing turned into hours of reading agent’s bios, trying to find the right fit for what they’re looking for and what I have to offer. At first I didn’t want an agent, so I only submitted to publishers who accept pitches without agents (not many, and the few I found weren’t currently open for submissions). I’m more open to the idea of an agent because they can pitch to bigger publishers and help guide me through the legal process of publishing.

And yes, my brain got caught up in the desperation for someone to approve of my book. For some professional to pat me on the back and say, “Good job! I like it. Here’s money.”

So far I’ve sent out six queries which I thought was a lot, then a published author friend of mine said, “That’s not a lot.” She told me that she sends out batches of twelve at a time and if she doesn’t get any response (typical), she would rework the query. I haven’t gotten any response from the agents I sent out queries to more than eight weeks ago, so it’s time for me to rework the query and dive back into research of agents and publishers to send it to.

BIG NEWS! As I’m writing this, I just received my first email REJECTION! from a publisher I really really like. However, I’m unsure they are the right fit for this book anyway, though it kind of stings, a deeper voice says keep going they’re not the one.

These days, if agents or publishers reject your work they don’t even bother responding. If you don’t hear from them you just assume it’s a no. How am I supposed to tack my rejections to the wall like a baller? At least I have that to look forward to.

When I was in California, my friend asked me, “What do you want most in life right now?” My first thought was, “To get this book published.”

Pause.

I realized that I had already started wishing this precious project away, just wanting to get it done. No.

What I most want in life is to write a DAMN GOOD BOOK. To honor all the people who came together to search for Ian. To share pieces of Ian with the world. To craft a beautiful story that captures our unique community. To share universal lessons on community, hope, and our relationship with the wilderness.

So that’s where I’ll refocus my attention- back to writing. Finishing draft two of the book and moving on to draft three. I’m working on integrating new writing routines as I adjust to the grad school work load, time with friends, and working at the elementary school.

Before October ends, my goals look like:

• Return to my query. Edit. Make a list of 10 agents to send it to.
• Return attention to my book proposal. At this point it’s outdated- when I first wrote the book proposal (which includes chapter summaries) I had some blank chapters that I sort of guessed at what I might write, but since then I’ve written the chapters so it’s time to fill in the gaps.
• Develop a new routine where I at least look at the book and work on it for 15 minutes a day. It’s unrealistic to block out whole eight hour chunks anymore, but I no longer want to let days pass without working on it.

Grateful for my dear friend Shannon has been reading and editing draft two (pictured above), sending feedback, and discussing the book’s flow with me. She is a special person to edit because she knew Ian through Prescott College and met me after Ian died. She led trips in the backcountry with Ian and has been by my side through this first year of grief. I’m very grateful to have her eyes on the page and her porch to sip a Bubbly as she keeps reminding me: this is your story. I want to know more about you.

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Grad School

Whewie I’ve been busy! Reading up a storm and dipping my toes into writing several genres. So far we’ve practiced writing poetry, fiction, and will be moving into my favorite non-fiction memoir domain next. Not quite ready to share what I’ve been writing but look for it soon.

My favorite reads so far:

• Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver: This book follows is set in Appalachia and follows three different characters told in their unique POV. Each character is mourning a loss and learning how to navigate the natural world. Following coyotes, planting chestnut trees, and raising goats are among the things that tether these characters to the world through the fog of grief. One of my new all time favorite books- I will be reading this one again.
• Rising (Dispatches from the New American Shore) by Elizabeth Rush: This book takes place in coastal communities from the northeast to New Orleans and Florida, interviewing locals who have lived through hurricanes and watched their towns transform under the weight of our changing planet. This book feels particularly potent and relevant after watching Hurricane Helene and Milton tear through the gulf and hit the southeast.

Grateful for technology. Remote work suits my life style well- so far I’ve logged into class from Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, California, Tennessee, Arkansas, North Carolina, Virginia, Kentucky, Nevada, and Utah.

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Grief Goals

When Ian died, a wave of what I call the “after death clarity” washed over me. That motivating “life is short, nothing is guaranteed so go after everything you want” mentality has started to fade. I’ve noticed that voice settling back into my head, that “maybe next year” trance that comes from a doubting place.

Hoping to strike a balance between the two, my goal for this year is to keep asking myself: “Why not now?”

So there’s a job I want, but don’t think I’m qualified for. It’s a journalistic fellowship with High Country News, a magazine that covers the West, one I’ve been obsessed with for the last few years, and dreamt of writing for. The job post says open to new emerging writers but here’s the stickler: with three to five years of experience.

How to break into a new industry? How do you get your first three to five years of experience as a new writer?

Truth be told my application has been ready for a few days now and I’ve just been too nervous to do send it in. Shaking those “maybe next year” thoughts off, I ask myself: What’s the worst that can happen? They say read my work, learn my name, don’t hire me, and a door opens in the future? Not too shabby.

Some other grief goals include:

• Move my body! Allow myself to enter the challenge zone again.
• Spend more nights under the stars. This past year I have clung to safety and felt frozen inside at times. Allow myself to feel comforted by the wilderness.
• Write more about grief. Probably some poetry.
• Check in on friends and family. This last year I’ve been blessed to have so many people check in on me, and my capacity to extend that care to others is growing again.
• Keep practicing kind words to myself. I can be attached to constant growth and perfection, so stopping to celebrate the wins and speak gratitude out loud helps.
• Continue to spend time alone. This helps me process and be present with grief.
• Go out of my way to spend time with loved ones.

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That’s it for now folks! A snippet into my world.

In gratitude,

Beth